in. In bare feet. So that no-one can tell the difference. So that you never feel at odds with yourself, your activities or your dreams. To have who you are, what you do AND how you feel all lined up is not easy. So here — with the help of my clients and a little research — are the qualities of the effortlessly cool.
They like people — a lot. They ask good questions and convey their interest in others. They say yes to social invitations — but they also know when to say no. But, whatever the occasion, their clothes and general appearance — outside of work, school or uniform requirements — convey something of the person they are. They know the past has shaped their lives, and they draw knowledge from it, but they also know the past can be a trap.
2. they like people but they don’t need them.
They refuse to walk into that trap because they know the past should not dictate their future. Food, alcohol, exercise, work, emotions — whatever it is, they know how to enjoy or express themselves — and, when enough is enough, they head home.
Or close the gate. Or get on with something else. About everything. They love to learn. And they hunt down opportunities to do so. People who will add to their lives — not subtract. They do interesting things, they talk about interesting things. You find yourself with lots of questions to ask. You want to know more.
You learn things by being around them. Just as they have for theirs. They laugh easily and often. They can be serious when necessary but they have a lightness of spirit that is fun to tap into. You make an effort to stay in touch or to catch up. Because you enjoy it.
Because they seem to enjoy you too. And every time you leave them you come away feeling okay — and knowing you want to keep them in your world. And, hopefully, they want you in theirs too. Instead, just aim to cut down on your less attractive qualities! Enjoyed this? Available as an ebook or in paperback at Australian and New Zealand bookstores.
Other territories coming soon. my list here for and receive a free gift: Seeing Someone: a brief guide to psychology, therapy and coaching. Clinical psychologist, writer. Editor of On the Couch: Practical psychology for everyday life.
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